Holy Thursday and What it was ounce.

   

     The road to Easter for me and my family starts on Holy Thursday. Holy Thursday represents the last supper the night Judas betrays him.   On Holy Thursday I would set out with my mother to the 8pm mass. Even though mass started at 8 we would have to get there at 7:30. Why you ask, because it would get so crowded there would not be anywhere to sit. Now a days I could get there 7:55 and there will be more than enough room, sad but true. At church we would meet my aunt (My father’s sister), my Godmother and her daughter Maria. We all sat together on the side of Saint Joseph.  Years ago, we had a monsignor, who was fantastic. He started as a priest when I was in elementary and confirmed me when I turned 13, a long, long, time ago. Years ago, you did your first confession before conformation. I went to him for my first confession and he told me to sit by the 5^th station of the cross and say the Hail Mary.

The 5^th station is an important one, it is when Simon helps Jesus carry his cross. It is the station of kindness, someone giving another a helping hand when they need it the most. Somethings just stick out in your mind, from that point I always felt like the number 5 was my lucky number. Any way our monsignor was fantastic, on Holy Thursday he would always give the mass.  During the mass at one point the chorus would start singing “Do you know what I have done for you” and you knew it was time for the Monsignor to get on his knees, and like Jesus did that holy night, he too would wash the feet of 12 parishioners.  The chorus would continue to sing “you who call me your teacher and your lord, If I have washed your feet so you must do as I have done for your" Watching him wash the feet of 12 parishioners brought tears to my eyes because it shows humility. No matter who you are, you are not better than the person next to you that you can't wash their feet or hold their cross. After the washing of the feet, the choir would start singing Pange Lingue while the priests started striping the alter and leaving it bare. 

I remember the first time I heard the song Pange Lingue song in Latin, it was so moving, and my mother new the song by heart. It blew my mind that she knew Latin. I remember being so in awe of her.  Back to the ceremony, the Monsignor would rap himself holding the Chalis with the body of Christ inside.  With incense filling up the church, the altar boys would start the procession, behind them wee  all the priests, decans and last in line was the  Monsignor all the way in the back.  Every fifth pew he would drop to his knees holding Crist in his hands. It brought so much emotion.  You actually felt like Jesus was walking to his death. The procession would flow out of the church and we would follow to the catholic school next door. The school would be dark, filled with candles, the choir would still be singing  pange lingue and we all would silently sit. The body of Christ carried by the Monsignor would enter and placed on a temporary altar until good Friday.  The night is so emotionally moving you can't help but feel something spiritual. 2020 has changed our traditions and Holy Thursday is just not the same. Hopefully someday we will go back to our traditions and maybe the sheep will come back to the flock. 

What Storm will it be?

When there are dark clouds in sight

I sit still and hold on tight 

Deep down inside I know there is going to be a storm

So I just wait and wait 

    What kind of storm will it be? Will it be full of wind, the kind that blows so hard It sounds like its crying? Or will it be the kind of wind that howls so loud you can feel in your bones?  One night in March of 2010 the wind was so powerful that it blew out transformers, took out electrical lines and blew down trees  like dominos.  It was one of those storms you buckled up and waited it out. I was siting in my living room with my family watching tv all snuggled in on our couch when the phone rang. It was my mother screaming that a tree had fallen on the house and wanted my husband to go there. I was confused "what do you mean a tree fell on the house" I asked.  She said please a tree fell and she was in a panic. I turned to my husband and asked him to set out on a dark and stormy night to investigate the situation.  

    My mother lived with her sister across town. She moved in two years prior and we moved into my childhood home. My aunt had a one bedroom in the back of the her house which she rented to a nice couple.  The couple were semi retired and were looking to move out of state, they needed something temporary until they were both retired. They had bought a house in Pennsylvania and would go there on the weekends.  The night of March 13 2010 they had decided to go and visit their house. The man had told my Aunt they hadn’t plan to go but at the last minute got in the car and left before the storm. Something told him to leave.  Lucky for them they did. That night the wind blew a tree down onto my Aunt’s house and destroyed the back room.  Thank God they weren’t there , they would have been crushed. The man after words told my aunt that my grandmother had saved his life even though he never knew her. Something beyond us gave them the intuition to leave my Aunts house that night which  saved them. The wind may have destroyed a house, but faith was restored with the gift of life. 

The clouds are getting thicker and thicker

The flakes are getting bigger and bigger

So we just wait and wait

    Sometimes a storm comes in and the world around you becomes silent. Everyone shops for food the day before and prepares themselves for hibernation until the storm passes. The TV gets everyone in a panic, have to go buy food, batteries, flashlights anything but the kitchen sink. I of course fall into the trap, run around the stores looking for milk, eggs, flour and snacks. You can't face a storm without snacks in the house. My mother would always say as long as you have eggs and flour you'll make it through the storm.  She would forget that not everyone is a baker. She would make bread on a whim, and it would be amazing. While the kids would go out and play in the snow and my husband would try and dig us out, I would stay in the house and try to whip up something to eat.  My favorite soup is beef. Everyone loves chicken soup, I hate the cooking chicken. Yes I probably am the only one in America that would rather cook beef soup than chicken.  I just don't like cooking chicken, so afraid of under cooking it I end up burning it. Nothing like beef soup on a blizzard day. Love the smell of soup that fills a cold house. It makes the cold go away and brings warmth to the house. Blizzards are a great way to stop and enjoy family time.  I often look out the window to see the beautiful white snow cover our back yard. One year I noticed the fig tree all covered with snow. My father had planted the tree when we first moved into the house.  It has survived storm after storm.  My husband used to cover the tree but as time went on he just stopped.  The fig tree gets blown down, frozen at times but in the spring it comes to life. One year we thought it was dead so my husband cut it down to the trunk and the next year it came back.  The tree has survived year after year.  I often think my Dad keeps it alive, so that when we pick the figs and eat them, he will always be remembered.  

Storms, you never know what damage they will bring

You just hold on tight and hope that your loved ones are safe.

You hold on and hope that everything that gets lost will be found.

You hold on and just wait it out. 

God, can I get a do over?

 

    

The holidays were over, but the aftermath was just beginning.  There is always a pile of gifts to return and never at the same stores. 

Yes, some of us still go to physical stores and shop. I like walking into a store and figuring out where should I go first. Should I look at jewelry, something for the house or clothing. I will just walk around for hours, and maybe I'll pick up a candle, smell it and just put it back down. You can't do that online, you can't smell the fragrance of perfume, soap or candles.  I will pick up a sweater and feel the fabric and decide if I like how, it feels not just how it looks. Online you can't feel the cotton on your skin, you can't see the actual shade of the black dress, you're just buying a picture.  I also like chit chatting with the salespeople or complaining to the other buyers online about various topics. On the internet check out there is nothing but a button that says purchase. No one to talk to except yourself. So, as you can guess I prefer to shop in person you never know what you will find and who you will run into. 

 It was a Wednesday morning, and I had my day planned.  I was heading towards the bank, then the dollar store, then TJ max, then the loft and then make my wat to e food store.  I had my daughter's birthday that I wanted to plan for while I ran around returning gifts.  Before I headed out to the stores I needed gas in the car.  I decided to go to the gas station on the way to the bank. 

 When I pulled into the gas station, I pulled into the wrong side of the pump. I always forget which side my gas tank is on. I was contemplating if I should pull through and go to the other gas pump on the opposite side.  Before I can do anything, a car pulled head-to-head with me so I couldn’t pull away.  I was so mad, If I was a cartoon, you would see smoke coming out of my head.  I yelled at the women thanks a lot now how am I going to get out. She just looked at me like to bad. I put my car in reverse and went on the other side to put gas in my tank.  She got out of her car, and I went crazy on her. I said "you are so rude, you blocked me in, how am I supposed to get out.  I can’t believe how arrogant you are. You saw me sitting in my car. Why didn't you pull in back of me? " I completely lost my mind over nothing.  After she put gas in her car, she pulled out sand stopped to apologize but I still couldn’t except it. I said yeh yeh have a good holiday.  I was fuming over what I don't know. I got into my car and went to the bank, tried to shake the bad feeling off but couldn't. As I was driving to the dollar store, I said God I wish I could start this day over, I wish I hadn't act like that towards that woman. I started crying because I couldn’t believe the way I treated that women. What kind of person am I? I proceeded to the dollar store, and the people behind me on the line were so nice. We had such a great conversation they made me laugh, but I still could not shake the awful feeling.  My next stop was TJ Max. I was going to go to TJ Max to return slippers, but I realized I didn’t have them with me, so I had to go home. 

I went home got the slippers and drove back to TJ Max.  The line at the store was extremely long so I walked around hoping the line would get shorter.  I browsed through the beauty section, the shoes department, the jewelry and back to the cloths. About half an hour later, out of the corner of my eye I saw the women I had fought with at the gas station. I can't describe the feeling that came over me.  It was almost like a spotlight had come over my body and I started to cry, I went up to her and tapped her on her shoulder.  She recognized me and I could tell she was taken back.  I said " I am so sorry for the way I acted.  Please accept my apology".  She said I'm sorry to, but I kept saying you have nothing to apologize for it was my fault. Please accept my apology, she said thank you.  We then said goodbye and I went online to return my slippers. I cried all morning because what are the odds of me running into the same women twice in one day.  I originally was going to go to TJ Max after the dollar store but went home instead. I could have gotten on the long line and waited but I didn't. I asked God for a do over and he put me at the right place at the right time so I can have one. 

Different day

 It's a different sky, a different moon.

another day is coming soon.

It's a different sun, a different ocean.

another day full of great emotion.

It's a different life, a different time.

another mountain we have to climb. 

It's a different song a different dance, 

another life full of romance. 

It's a different time, a different world.

another dream has come true. 

Here we go again, what am I cooking tonight?

     Just to give you a background, I am a working housewife. Yes I work from 9 to 5 and then go home to my night job which is from 5 to when I go to bed. It has gotten easier since my kids have grown, but it was tough getting to this moment.  When kids are young they need more attention and care. Now I need attention and care 😂 I am not at that point yet but its around the corner. 😁At one point I was considered part of the sandwich generation. What is that you may ask , because I know the first time my boss referred  me as part of the sandwich generation I was confused. The sandwich generation is a person who is caring for their elderly  parent and young children at the same time.  It makes sense because you feel like your being squeezed by both wanting and needing your attention. As much as it was hard to deal with, I would give anything to go back and relive every moment I had. Ok getting back to the task at hand, which is, what am I cooking tonight? 

    Today is Wednesday. I now go through my head and make a list of what I have already made this week, because god forbid I should make something twice in a week.  I made pasta Sunday so that is out. Monday I made Taco's. My mother never in her life ate a taco. She never had an urge to make taco's. If my mother was  alive she would probably say since when do you make taco's?  To her it was like betraying my Italian heritage.  I was born in Italy and in our house we only ate Italian cousin.  Just the other day I was telling my daughter, I don't ever remember ordering take out as a kid. My mother cooked everyday. She woke up at 5 in the morning made coffee, made my father lunch to take with him. Got us up, made our lunch and then she went off to the factory.  Ok back to my dinner plans.

    Wednesday is my day off so I run around like a chicken without a head. Don't know why I use that expression, but it definitely describes how I feel.  I walk around not knowing where to go first, I feel like I have to beat the clock. I have to get everything done before everyone gets home. Again my mother in my head, "you should get home so your there when your husband gets home."  That would not fly now, not sure why I let it fly, 😲 Anyway getting back to the chicken, I went to the grocery store with the intention of buying chicken cutlets. I usually buy the thin sliced cutlets without antibiotic.  I try to buy organic when I can.  I looked for them on the chicken isle  and of course today they only had the tenderloin in the brand I like. So chicken is a no go.  I walked over and got some pork chops, they were so thin,  almost like cutlets. I also picked some peppers for a side.

    Cooking is not as hard as people make it seem, take it from someone who never cooked until she was 40. My mother was amazed I could cook, she would tell people how amazed she was, since I never cooked at home. My response to my mother was "how can I cook in a kitchen I can't use" The kitchen was my mothers domain. She was a total control freak over the kitchen. Back to the pork chops.   If you have some idea of what you want to make you can build on it. Most of the time I just use the same ingredients over and over. I am a creature of habit. I rarely use a cook book unless I am doing something special. Like my mother I wing it. 

    What do you need to make porkchops, salt, garlic powder, milk and breadcrumbs. My mother would beat an egg in the milk but I would rather not. You take a pan, put tin foil on it, drizzle some oil so your meat doesn't get stuck.  Shake the salt and garlic on the meat. Dip the meat into the milk and then drag the meat in the breadcrumbs.  Place the meat on the pan and bake it in the oven.  I bake it for a half hour at 420. turn them after 15 minutes. That wasn't so hard right?

    Now you just can't have meat, you have to have something else to go with your main dish.  Making diner is like buying an outfit for going out.  You buy a dress but you can't just wear the dress without shoes.  While I was out picking up my meat I also picked up zucchini, red peppers, and green peppers. $125 later I went home. Ridiculous how much everything costs. I hold my breath at the cash register as if that's going to help the blow. Ounce I got home I took a frying pan put some olive oil in the pan. I chopped up a half of a sweet onion and threw it in the frying pan. while the onion gets soft, I chopped up just one zucchini, one red pepper and one green pepper. Next step just throw it all into the frying pan to join the onion. 

Last but not least, I had bought a box of cherry tomatoes cut them in half and squeeze the seeds out, and than I put them in a dish.  The other half of the onion that I cut I chopped and tossed them into the tomatoes. I than sprinkled some salt and oregano along with olive oil into the tomato mixture and called it a day. Another day I managed to feed my family.