Holy Thursday and What it was ounce.

   

     The road to Easter for me and my family starts on Holy Thursday. Holy Thursday represents the last supper the night Judas betrays him.   On Holy Thursday I would set out with my mother to the 8pm mass. Even though mass started at 8 we would have to get there at 7:30. Why you ask, because it would get so crowded there would not be anywhere to sit. Now a days I could get there 7:55 and there will be more than enough room, sad but true. At church we would meet my aunt (My father’s sister), my Godmother and her daughter Maria. We all sat together on the side of Saint Joseph.  Years ago, we had a monsignor, who was fantastic. He started as a priest when I was in elementary and confirmed me when I turned 13, a long, long, time ago. Years ago, you did your first confession before conformation. I went to him for my first confession and he told me to sit by the 5^th station of the cross and say the Hail Mary.

The 5^th station is an important one, it is when Simon helps Jesus carry his cross. It is the station of kindness, someone giving another a helping hand when they need it the most. Somethings just stick out in your mind, from that point I always felt like the number 5 was my lucky number. Any way our monsignor was fantastic, on Holy Thursday he would always give the mass.  During the mass at one point the chorus would start singing “Do you know what I have done for you” and you knew it was time for the Monsignor to get on his knees, and like Jesus did that holy night, he too would wash the feet of 12 parishioners.  The chorus would continue to sing “you who call me your teacher and your lord, If I have washed your feet so you must do as I have done for your" Watching him wash the feet of 12 parishioners brought tears to my eyes because it shows humility. No matter who you are, you are not better than the person next to you that you can't wash their feet or hold their cross. After the washing of the feet, the choir would start singing Pange Lingue while the priests started striping the alter and leaving it bare. 

I remember the first time I heard the song Pange Lingue song in Latin, it was so moving, and my mother new the song by heart. It blew my mind that she knew Latin. I remember being so in awe of her.  Back to the ceremony, the Monsignor would rap himself holding the Chalis with the body of Christ inside.  With incense filling up the church, the altar boys would start the procession, behind them wee  all the priests, decans and last in line was the  Monsignor all the way in the back.  Every fifth pew he would drop to his knees holding Crist in his hands. It brought so much emotion.  You actually felt like Jesus was walking to his death. The procession would flow out of the church and we would follow to the catholic school next door. The school would be dark, filled with candles, the choir would still be singing  pange lingue and we all would silently sit. The body of Christ carried by the Monsignor would enter and placed on a temporary altar until good Friday.  The night is so emotionally moving you can't help but feel something spiritual. 2020 has changed our traditions and Holy Thursday is just not the same. Hopefully someday we will go back to our traditions and maybe the sheep will come back to the flock. 

What Storm will it be?

When there are dark clouds in sight

I sit still and hold on tight 

Deep down inside I know there is going to be a storm

So I just wait and wait 

    What kind of storm will it be? Will it be full of wind, the kind that blows so hard It sounds like its crying? Or will it be the kind of wind that howls so loud you can feel in your bones?  One night in March of 2010 the wind was so powerful that it blew out transformers, took out electrical lines and blew down trees  like dominos.  It was one of those storms you buckled up and waited it out. I was siting in my living room with my family watching tv all snuggled in on our couch when the phone rang. It was my mother screaming that a tree had fallen on the house and wanted my husband to go there. I was confused "what do you mean a tree fell on the house" I asked.  She said please a tree fell and she was in a panic. I turned to my husband and asked him to set out on a dark and stormy night to investigate the situation.  

    My mother lived with her sister across town. She moved in two years prior and we moved into my childhood home. My aunt had a one bedroom in the back of the her house which she rented to a nice couple.  The couple were semi retired and were looking to move out of state, they needed something temporary until they were both retired. They had bought a house in Pennsylvania and would go there on the weekends.  The night of March 13 2010 they had decided to go and visit their house. The man had told my Aunt they hadn’t plan to go but at the last minute got in the car and left before the storm. Something told him to leave.  Lucky for them they did. That night the wind blew a tree down onto my Aunt’s house and destroyed the back room.  Thank God they weren’t there , they would have been crushed. The man after words told my aunt that my grandmother had saved his life even though he never knew her. Something beyond us gave them the intuition to leave my Aunts house that night which  saved them. The wind may have destroyed a house, but faith was restored with the gift of life. 

The clouds are getting thicker and thicker

The flakes are getting bigger and bigger

So we just wait and wait

    Sometimes a storm comes in and the world around you becomes silent. Everyone shops for food the day before and prepares themselves for hibernation until the storm passes. The TV gets everyone in a panic, have to go buy food, batteries, flashlights anything but the kitchen sink. I of course fall into the trap, run around the stores looking for milk, eggs, flour and snacks. You can't face a storm without snacks in the house. My mother would always say as long as you have eggs and flour you'll make it through the storm.  She would forget that not everyone is a baker. She would make bread on a whim, and it would be amazing. While the kids would go out and play in the snow and my husband would try and dig us out, I would stay in the house and try to whip up something to eat.  My favorite soup is beef. Everyone loves chicken soup, I hate the cooking chicken. Yes I probably am the only one in America that would rather cook beef soup than chicken.  I just don't like cooking chicken, so afraid of under cooking it I end up burning it. Nothing like beef soup on a blizzard day. Love the smell of soup that fills a cold house. It makes the cold go away and brings warmth to the house. Blizzards are a great way to stop and enjoy family time.  I often look out the window to see the beautiful white snow cover our back yard. One year I noticed the fig tree all covered with snow. My father had planted the tree when we first moved into the house.  It has survived storm after storm.  My husband used to cover the tree but as time went on he just stopped.  The fig tree gets blown down, frozen at times but in the spring it comes to life. One year we thought it was dead so my husband cut it down to the trunk and the next year it came back.  The tree has survived year after year.  I often think my Dad keeps it alive, so that when we pick the figs and eat them, he will always be remembered.  

Storms, you never know what damage they will bring

You just hold on tight and hope that your loved ones are safe.

You hold on and hope that everything that gets lost will be found.

You hold on and just wait it out. 

God, can I get a do over?

 

    

The holidays were over, but the aftermath was just beginning.  There is always a pile of gifts to return and never at the same stores. 

Yes, some of us still go to physical stores and shop. I like walking into a store and figuring out where should I go first. Should I look at jewelry, something for the house or clothing. I will just walk around for hours, and maybe I'll pick up a candle, smell it and just put it back down. You can't do that online, you can't smell the fragrance of perfume, soap or candles.  I will pick up a sweater and feel the fabric and decide if I like how, it feels not just how it looks. Online you can't feel the cotton on your skin, you can't see the actual shade of the black dress, you're just buying a picture.  I also like chit chatting with the salespeople or complaining to the other buyers online about various topics. On the internet check out there is nothing but a button that says purchase. No one to talk to except yourself. So, as you can guess I prefer to shop in person you never know what you will find and who you will run into. 

 It was a Wednesday morning, and I had my day planned.  I was heading towards the bank, then the dollar store, then TJ max, then the loft and then make my wat to e food store.  I had my daughter's birthday that I wanted to plan for while I ran around returning gifts.  Before I headed out to the stores I needed gas in the car.  I decided to go to the gas station on the way to the bank. 

 When I pulled into the gas station, I pulled into the wrong side of the pump. I always forget which side my gas tank is on. I was contemplating if I should pull through and go to the other gas pump on the opposite side.  Before I can do anything, a car pulled head-to-head with me so I couldn’t pull away.  I was so mad, If I was a cartoon, you would see smoke coming out of my head.  I yelled at the women thanks a lot now how am I going to get out. She just looked at me like to bad. I put my car in reverse and went on the other side to put gas in my tank.  She got out of her car, and I went crazy on her. I said "you are so rude, you blocked me in, how am I supposed to get out.  I can’t believe how arrogant you are. You saw me sitting in my car. Why didn't you pull in back of me? " I completely lost my mind over nothing.  After she put gas in her car, she pulled out sand stopped to apologize but I still couldn’t except it. I said yeh yeh have a good holiday.  I was fuming over what I don't know. I got into my car and went to the bank, tried to shake the bad feeling off but couldn't. As I was driving to the dollar store, I said God I wish I could start this day over, I wish I hadn't act like that towards that woman. I started crying because I couldn’t believe the way I treated that women. What kind of person am I? I proceeded to the dollar store, and the people behind me on the line were so nice. We had such a great conversation they made me laugh, but I still could not shake the awful feeling.  My next stop was TJ Max. I was going to go to TJ Max to return slippers, but I realized I didn’t have them with me, so I had to go home. 

I went home got the slippers and drove back to TJ Max.  The line at the store was extremely long so I walked around hoping the line would get shorter.  I browsed through the beauty section, the shoes department, the jewelry and back to the cloths. About half an hour later, out of the corner of my eye I saw the women I had fought with at the gas station. I can't describe the feeling that came over me.  It was almost like a spotlight had come over my body and I started to cry, I went up to her and tapped her on her shoulder.  She recognized me and I could tell she was taken back.  I said " I am so sorry for the way I acted.  Please accept my apology".  She said I'm sorry to, but I kept saying you have nothing to apologize for it was my fault. Please accept my apology, she said thank you.  We then said goodbye and I went online to return my slippers. I cried all morning because what are the odds of me running into the same women twice in one day.  I originally was going to go to TJ Max after the dollar store but went home instead. I could have gotten on the long line and waited but I didn't. I asked God for a do over and he put me at the right place at the right time so I can have one. 

Different day

 It's a different sky, a different moon.

another day is coming soon.

It's a different sun, a different ocean.

another day full of great emotion.

It's a different life, a different time.

another mountain we have to climb. 

It's a different song a different dance, 

another life full of romance. 

It's a different time, a different world.

another dream has come true.