Holy Thursday and What it was ounce.

   

     The road to Easter for me and my family starts on Holy Thursday. Holy Thursday represents the last supper the night Judas betrays him.   On Holy Thursday I would set out with my mother to the 8pm mass. Even though mass started at 8 we would have to get there at 7:30. Why you ask, because it would get so crowded there would not be anywhere to sit. Now a days I could get there 7:55 and there will be more than enough room, sad but true. At church we would meet my aunt (My father’s sister), my Godmother and her daughter Maria. We all sat together on the side of Saint Joseph.  Years ago, we had a monsignor, who was fantastic. He started as a priest when I was in elementary and confirmed me when I turned 13, a long, long, time ago. Years ago, you did your first confession before conformation. I went to him for my first confession and he told me to sit by the 5^th station of the cross and say the Hail Mary.

The 5^th station is an important one, it is when Simon helps Jesus carry his cross. It is the station of kindness, someone giving another a helping hand when they need it the most. Somethings just stick out in your mind, from that point I always felt like the number 5 was my lucky number. Any way our monsignor was fantastic, on Holy Thursday he would always give the mass.  During the mass at one point the chorus would start singing “Do you know what I have done for you” and you knew it was time for the Monsignor to get on his knees, and like Jesus did that holy night, he too would wash the feet of 12 parishioners.  The chorus would continue to sing “you who call me your teacher and your lord, If I have washed your feet so you must do as I have done for your" Watching him wash the feet of 12 parishioners brought tears to my eyes because it shows humility. No matter who you are, you are not better than the person next to you that you can't wash their feet or hold their cross. After the washing of the feet, the choir would start singing Pange Lingue while the priests started striping the alter and leaving it bare. 

I remember the first time I heard the song Pange Lingue song in Latin, it was so moving, and my mother new the song by heart. It blew my mind that she knew Latin. I remember being so in awe of her.  Back to the ceremony, the Monsignor would rap himself holding the Chalis with the body of Christ inside.  With incense filling up the church, the altar boys would start the procession, behind them wee  all the priests, decans and last in line was the  Monsignor all the way in the back.  Every fifth pew he would drop to his knees holding Crist in his hands. It brought so much emotion.  You actually felt like Jesus was walking to his death. The procession would flow out of the church and we would follow to the catholic school next door. The school would be dark, filled with candles, the choir would still be singing  pange lingue and we all would silently sit. The body of Christ carried by the Monsignor would enter and placed on a temporary altar until good Friday.  The night is so emotionally moving you can't help but feel something spiritual. 2020 has changed our traditions and Holy Thursday is just not the same. Hopefully someday we will go back to our traditions and maybe the sheep will come back to the flock. 

God, can I get a do over?

 

    

The holidays were over, but the aftermath was just beginning.  There is always a pile of gifts to return and never at the same stores. 

Yes, some of us still go to physical stores and shop. I like walking into a store and figuring out where should I go first. Should I look at jewelry, something for the house or clothing. I will just walk around for hours, and maybe I'll pick up a candle, smell it and just put it back down. You can't do that online, you can't smell the fragrance of perfume, soap or candles.  I will pick up a sweater and feel the fabric and decide if I like how, it feels not just how it looks. Online you can't feel the cotton on your skin, you can't see the actual shade of the black dress, you're just buying a picture.  I also like chit chatting with the salespeople or complaining to the other buyers online about various topics. On the internet check out there is nothing but a button that says purchase. No one to talk to except yourself. So, as you can guess I prefer to shop in person you never know what you will find and who you will run into. 

 It was a Wednesday morning, and I had my day planned.  I was heading towards the bank, then the dollar store, then TJ max, then the loft and then make my wat to e food store.  I had my daughter's birthday that I wanted to plan for while I ran around returning gifts.  Before I headed out to the stores I needed gas in the car.  I decided to go to the gas station on the way to the bank. 

 When I pulled into the gas station, I pulled into the wrong side of the pump. I always forget which side my gas tank is on. I was contemplating if I should pull through and go to the other gas pump on the opposite side.  Before I can do anything, a car pulled head-to-head with me so I couldn’t pull away.  I was so mad, If I was a cartoon, you would see smoke coming out of my head.  I yelled at the women thanks a lot now how am I going to get out. She just looked at me like to bad. I put my car in reverse and went on the other side to put gas in my tank.  She got out of her car, and I went crazy on her. I said "you are so rude, you blocked me in, how am I supposed to get out.  I can’t believe how arrogant you are. You saw me sitting in my car. Why didn't you pull in back of me? " I completely lost my mind over nothing.  After she put gas in her car, she pulled out sand stopped to apologize but I still couldn’t except it. I said yeh yeh have a good holiday.  I was fuming over what I don't know. I got into my car and went to the bank, tried to shake the bad feeling off but couldn't. As I was driving to the dollar store, I said God I wish I could start this day over, I wish I hadn't act like that towards that woman. I started crying because I couldn’t believe the way I treated that women. What kind of person am I? I proceeded to the dollar store, and the people behind me on the line were so nice. We had such a great conversation they made me laugh, but I still could not shake the awful feeling.  My next stop was TJ Max. I was going to go to TJ Max to return slippers, but I realized I didn’t have them with me, so I had to go home. 

I went home got the slippers and drove back to TJ Max.  The line at the store was extremely long so I walked around hoping the line would get shorter.  I browsed through the beauty section, the shoes department, the jewelry and back to the cloths. About half an hour later, out of the corner of my eye I saw the women I had fought with at the gas station. I can't describe the feeling that came over me.  It was almost like a spotlight had come over my body and I started to cry, I went up to her and tapped her on her shoulder.  She recognized me and I could tell she was taken back.  I said " I am so sorry for the way I acted.  Please accept my apology".  She said I'm sorry to, but I kept saying you have nothing to apologize for it was my fault. Please accept my apology, she said thank you.  We then said goodbye and I went online to return my slippers. I cried all morning because what are the odds of me running into the same women twice in one day.  I originally was going to go to TJ Max after the dollar store but went home instead. I could have gotten on the long line and waited but I didn't. I asked God for a do over and he put me at the right place at the right time so I can have one. 

Different day

 It's a different sky, a different moon.

another day is coming soon.

It's a different sun, a different ocean.

another day full of great emotion.

It's a different life, a different time.

another mountain we have to climb. 

It's a different song a different dance, 

another life full of romance. 

It's a different time, a different world.

another dream has come true. 

Happy Mothers Day Mom

I was 5 and my brother was 8 years old when we left Calabria and came to New York.  My Mom was 34 and my

Dad was 35. We lived in a small town in Calabria named Mongrassano. 

                    My Mother and Father were both born in the same town and knew each other their whole life.  In 1970

The economics in Italy were not good.  No one was paying my Dad and we had no money.  I remember my Mom

telling me they had to borrow money to pay for our Airline tickets to New York.  My Mom’s family was already in

New York, they had left Calabria in the early 60’s.  I can’t imagine what it was like for my parents to leave their

home, family, town, and their friends with two little children.  They only spoke Italian no English.  America was not

like it is today.  If you didn’t speak English it was up to you to get someone who can to translate for you. 

I wish I had the strength, focus and energy My Mother had when we were growing up. 

5am my mother would wake up make lunch for herself and my father and of course make coffee

6 am she would wake me and my brother up give us breakfast

6:30 am she would be on out the door and walking to her factory job where she sewed.

4 pm she walked back in the house clean up from the morning and get dinner started

6pm we would be finished with dinner she would then clean the dishes by hand sweep and wash the floor

7pm we would all watch wheel of fortune

                    I on the other hand

 6:30 am make coffee watch TV

7 am wake up the girls make them breakfast go back to watching TV

7:30 am run around make my kids lunch, scream and yell for everyone to get ready

8:00 run out of the house with my PJ to drive the kids to school (thank god for drop off)

8:05 procrastinate until 8:30 then

8:30 run around try to get ready for work

9:15 late again for work and I am only 2 minutes away

5 pm get home watch more TV until I figure out what I am going to cook

7 pm finish cooking ready to eat

8pm finish cleaning up

8:30  kids are in bed

9 pm I am in bed and surfing the net while I am listening to the TV in bed while my husband is sleeping

I admire My Mom I wish I can do half of what she did for me.  

She never complained, I never saw her sick if she was  we never knew.  Now as I am older and have two daughters I

can finally understand her. I have respect for who she is and what she did for our family.  Thanks to my mother I

was able to go back to work while she took care of my girls.

 I can never repay her for all she has done for me. 

Once in a while she will say you go crazy do so much with your kids I never did anything for you, and I say to her

What you did for me was enough I was happy.  I have no regrets all children want is their parents and I had them.   I

wrote this poem in 1982 for my Mom and 34 years later I am finally going to give it to her so here it is translated in

English. Happy Mother’s day to all.

 For the most Caring Mama,

Mama is a small name for you

The work that you do is much greater than you know

It's hard to always have the house clean and to go to work

With time my brother and I will be grown

When we were small we always called out your name

If we were sick we always shouted your name

And you always ran to us

I love you not only today but forever

Because you gave me life, helped me to see, to speak, and live

I know that we are not them same

It is difficult to get along all the time

I am from one generation and you are from another

And I know that at certain times I'm a Witch

Please forgive me

The word that is important is love

Mama I love you when I am at home

I Love you when I am at work

I love you where ever I am in the world

You have my heart forever.